He uses pillows to masturbate.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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