I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
please come you make the beer taste better
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
