Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
