Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sext me about skeletons
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
