I CAN MOONWALK!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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