I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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