My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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