I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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