Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
