My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize