just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
