All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I want is dick and wine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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