Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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