Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
