My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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