Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
