I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize