when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
