Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
