sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
