i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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