yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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