Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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