Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
