looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
