i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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