I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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