Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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