fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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