dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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