god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
