Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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