If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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