"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
