Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
