So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
a search helicopter?!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
