just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
