i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
