Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
