Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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