I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize