Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
