It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
