i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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