We're facebook friends in real life
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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