Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
