they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
