i think my tv is drunk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
