Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
