this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
