just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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