I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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