Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
