just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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