We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
