you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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