Where did you get a picture of my penis
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
