I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she told me i tasted like america
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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