Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
