You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
