Moan for me like Helen Keller
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
