...so i touched it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
