you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
