i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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