id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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