The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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