Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
