I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
