sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
