We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize