dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
