he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
