I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
