We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
