I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
