I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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