Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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