My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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