the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize