Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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