My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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