I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
