You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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