i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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