I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
