I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize